This Time, But Not Our Last Time
by Ilovemydad
Summary: What if Wash and Taylor did start exploring a relationship, but it always gets to be too much for Taylor? He loves her but whenever he is with her, he feels that he is betraying Ayani, so he leaves her. This happens time after time. Can they ever be happy
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, though if I did Wash and Taylor would be exploring the chemistry that they have going on. This story no way reflects the way I feel for the couple, as I actually do love them together, and they are quickly replacing Maddy and Mark as my favorite couple. Though Mark is really cute. Like legit. I don't own Terra Nova, which means I don't own the guys (Doens't that suck). I also don't own the song that is underlined, it belongs to Pia Toscano, the song is titled, This Time.

This Time, But Not Our Last Time

Chapter 1

Well I'm mad as hell  
>Ain't gonna take it no more<br>My bags is packed at the back of your door  
>Cause I don't know who I am no more<br>You won the battle but you lost the war

"Wash, I'm sorry. I just can't do it. You aren't her. You're not Ayani. You never will be," Said Commander Nathanial Taylor as he looked at the girl, no woman in front of him, who just happened to be 20 years his junior. Leaving him at the ripe age of 53, which made her only 33 years old. Not married, no kids, no nothing. Only her work.

I've been in denial  
>Now I'm living the truth<br>Been down for awhile  
>Now I'm standing up to you<br>Oh, this Time  
><span> 

Alicia Washington nodded slowly, her eyes hard. She wouldn't cry anymore, she couldn't. He always does this, but then the next day he comes back claiming that he was wrong that he could do it. Wash loved him, but she wasn't sure just how much more her heart could take. "Alright Commander, I'll pack my bags and I'll be out of your hair. Am I excused, sir?" She said the last part said in a smart ass tone.

This time  
>I'm gonna do it my way<br>This time  
>I'm finding out the hard way<br>This Time  
>I'm gonna go back<br>To the girl I was  
>On the night you found me<br>No more  
>Holding back the real me<br>Just wait  
>In a minute you'll see<br>This Time  
>Just in time<br>It's my time  
>Getting back to the real me<span>

"Quite alright Liutenant. Go. Now." Taylor said, his eyes hard, not showing just how hard this was for him. He loved her, he loved her so much. But everytime he touched her, every hug, every kiss, felt wrong, felt like betrayal. He felt as though he was betraying Ayani. He knew she was in pain, this is how it went everytime: he tells her to leave, he waits through the night heartbroken and alone, before going to her the next morning and begging for forgiveness. This is the way their relationship was, the way it would always be. Or so he thought.

Alicia packed in record time, only one bag, she couldn't bring herself to bring all her stuff anymore. She just couldn't take it. Not anymore. She leaned against the back door of his house, her bag right next to her. She looked back once more as a lonely tear rain down the side of her face. She quickly wiped it away, and her eyes hardened. This wasn't her, she wasn't going to do this anymore. She was hurt, but mostly she was angry.

Alicia pushed herself up so she was standing upright, before leaning down to collect her bag off of the ground, his ground, the ground that he stomped, crushed, and burned her heart on. Just thinking about the way he held her heart in his hand, the way he crushed it, he crushed it so hard that if felt as though he was crushing the real thing. That he was crushing the heart in her chest, from the inside out. She just started to walk away with one last look at his back door, but as she looked up, she found him looking at her with heartbreak strongly visible in his eyes.

Don't try to stop me  
>With the words you say<br>Cause I'm sick and tired of the games you play  
>I'm gonna free myself,<br>Gonna make a change  
>And like a butterfly<br>Imma spread my wings

When he went to say something, Alicia shook her head and said, "I'm going back to the girl I was on the night that you found me. This time,... I'm getting back to the real me. No more going around in circles with you, no more wondering if you will ever love me as much as I love you. I want to believe it, but I just can't. I'm going to free myself and make a change. Like a butterfly, I'm going to spread my wings. I've been crying for too long, now I'm drying my eyes. Goodbye."

Been crying for too long  
>Now I'm drying my eyes<br>Grounded for so long  
>Now it's time for me to fly<br>This Time

"Alicia... I'm sorry," Taylor said, but Alicia just shook her head again, and started to walk back to her own housing unit, but this time, she was alone. She had no one, just like before, just like always.

This time  
>I'm gonna do it my way<br>This time  
>I'm finding out the hard way<br>This Time  
>I'm gonna go back<br>To the girl I was  
>On the night you found me<br>No more  
>Holding back the real me<br>Just wait  
>In a minute you'll see<br>This Time  
>Just in time<br>It's my time  
>I'm getting back to the real me<span> 

She walked up to her housing unit and punched in her housing code, before entering and throwing her bag across the room. Then after the door closed she leaned up against it and closed her eyes, tears started to stream down her cheeks, like waterfalls, no one knows where the water keeps coming from, it just does.

I'm mad as hell  
>I can't take it no more<br>My bags is packed at the back of your door  
>I promise you<br>This time

'Why has life been so cruel to her? Why must she be alone? Why must she have to put on a brave face for everyone in the colony, but not be able to do so for herself? For so long I've had a shield up around my heart, nothing being able to break it down and get in, and nothing able to get it out. So how did he, how did Commander Nathanial Taylor manage to break it down so much, that it just stays down, while he can never stay? How?," was her last drifting thought as she blacked out right up against the door, her hand cradling her stomach like her body knew something she didn't. Like it knew something was coming. Something magical.

This time  
>I'm gonna do it my way<br>This time  
>I'm finding out the hard way<br>This Time  
>I'm gonna go back<br>To the girl I was  
>On the night you found me<br>No more  
>Holding back the real me<br>Just wait  
>In a minute you'll see<br>This Time  
>In time<br>It's my time  
>I'm getting back to the real me<span>

I'm mad as hell  
>I ain't gonna take no more<p> 


	2. Bad Day by Daniel Powter

**Chapter 2**

**Bad Day by Daniel Powter**

**Disclaimer: Nothing has changed from when I put the first chapter out yesterday. I still don't own anything. :Sigh:**

**Authors Note: I also want to give a special thank you to my beta, XOXOBelleGG, for making this chapter better than it ever could have been. Thank you! You are a really great editor.**

'How could I be so stupid?' Nathanial Taylor asked himself as he watched her walk away from him for the sixth time that month. It hurts her every time he does this, even he knows this. Every time they get back together he tries to not let himself be deterred by the fact that she started to shield herself from hm. Not much but it was enough to guarantee that she would be less hurt when he eventually broke up with her – again.

For someone who is as smart as the Commander he is acting foolishly. He has led thousands of troops into battle, given humanity a second chance and has fought the unknown in their new home – their new hope.

Taylor walked towards his alcohol cabinet – one of his and Wash's favourite past times. He took the first bottle he was able to reach, Brandy 2104. Vintage, the good stuff.

Taking the bottle with him Taylor walked towards his couch, remembering the times they spent. Cuddling, kissing, reading, drinking, sleeping, making love. That last one sent jolts through him. Even if he convinces her to get back together with him it would be some time before she truly gives him 100% of her mind, body and soul. To say Taylor knew every aspect of Wash would be an understatement. He had everything about her memorized. Every smile, every touch, ever laugh, every curve of her slim body, and unfortunately every tear – which as of late have been mostly his fault.

Where is the moment we needed the most  
>You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost<br>They tell me your blue skies fade to grey  
>They tell me your passion's gone away<br>And I don't need no carryin' on

Darkness, pitch black darkness. That's what his life feels like every time he lets her go. Focusing at times when he knows that they aren't in a committed and more then platonic relationship is impossible. He would spend his time thinking, of himself, of her, of them, of both of them, Wash, and Ayani. He knew that his feelings for Alicia outweighed anything he may of felt for Ayani. His marriage to Ayani was arranged. He came from a prominent family and was working his way quite nicely throughout the military ranks. Ayani's family was faced with losing their status, so they arranged the marriage of their daughter. Despite his feelings, he still cant shake the fact that Ayani was his wife. They were married. Together he and Ayani had a child, a son. Granted a son that hated him but a son nonetheless. He knew that through out all of their time together, Ayani was never unfaithful but now him being with Wash makes him think that he is the one being unfaithful to Ayani. He knows that she is gone in the physical sense, but spiritually he knew that she was always with him, looking down on him with anger. Before slipping into the depression induced darkness Taylor thought 'Why would she be angry though, she should be happy for me. She would want me to move on, for me to be happy. I'm not betraying her. No matter how painful, I'll always remember her. I cant keep hurting Alicia and hurting our chances to be happy.' 

It was early the next morning that Taylor awoke, his neck and back stiff from the awkward position he slept in, and his head throbbing from the amount of alcohol he ended up consuming blindly. Though his old age was also partially to blame he thought with a frown. Realizing the time he quickly quickly took two pills, and got dressed after taking a hot shower, before leaving his abode in favour of the bright sun that adorned the blue sky.

Squinting as he stepped outside, Taylor weighed out his options. He could either head straight to the Command Centre - sans coffee - or head towards the Canteen and get a fresh cup of coffee before dealing with all of the Terra Novans that he would pass on his way to the Command centre. The coffee won this battle, and he headed towards the way of the Canteen. He passed all of the things that he usually stopped to absorb: the loving signs of nature, the trees, the dinosaurs, the people. He loved it all. Especially since it was never seen back in 2142, the smog was too thick to even see the stars.

Walking into the Canteen, he sighed at what he saw. It was like a magnetic force, pulling him towards her. Taylor knew he should just step back out, and she never would of seen him but he saw her waiting for coffee, with a smile so fake sitting on her face, that it could have been plastered there and that kept his feet grounded where they were. Their eyes caught and before her eyes filled with anger he could see the remorse, the hurt. Taylor wanted nothing more then to march up to her and beg for forgiveness…again. Although more then anything in this new world of theirs, he wanted her to be happy.

You stand in the line just to hit a new low  
>You're faking a smile with the coffee to go<br>You tell me your life's been way off line  
>You're falling to pieces every time<br>And I don't need no carryin' on

He sighs, and turns around, completely missing the look of longing that passed through Wash's eyes as she looked at him. Though he didn't miss running directly into Mark Reynolds, Wash's so called brother and the boyfriend of Maddy Shannon. Reynolds looked directly at him, his eyes held nothing but disappointment, but no shock. He hated that Reynolds already knew, knew that he would hurt Wash, and knew that Wash had already told him... again.

"Sorry..., Sir," Reynolds said as he tried to walk away from his Commanding Officer, but Taylor caught him by the arm, quicker than Reynolds thought possible.

"Hold up son. I need to talk to you. Come on," Taylor said as he led Reynolds out of the Canteen, and onto an adjoining street that at this time in the morning is sparsely populated. the side of the street, where nobody seemed to be. "Don't you dare look at me like that Reynolds. You have no idea how much I care about her and how much I hate doing this to her."

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" Reynolds asked quickly his eyes were hard now, not showing any emotion – a skill learnt from Wash. The Commander granted him permission; he was interested in what Reynolds had to say.

"Alicia is like my sister and I care about her. You keep treating her unfairly, you keep changing your mind on whether you want a future with her. I don't like how you are treating her, one minute your hot and the next its cold – how is she supposed to react to that? She is always getting hurt by you and you know as well as I that she has been hurt so much in her past. I thought that you would be good for her. That you two would stop dancing around each other. I trusted you not to hurt her but obviously since this is the sixth time this month that you told her to walk. You cant keep doing this to her, or to yourself, it isn't healthy."

Cause you had a bad day  
>You're taking one down<br>You sing a sad song just to turn it aroundYou say you don't know  
>You tell me don't lie<br>You work at a smile and you go for a ride  
>You had a bad day<br>The camera don't lie  
>You're coming back down and you really don't mind<br>You had a bad day  
>You had a bad day<span> 

"Damn it, Reynolds! You don't think that I know that. I hate hurting her, but I can't help it. I hate seeing her in pain, more so when I know that it is my fault, but God damn it Reynolds, what am I supposed to do? Just ignore my feelings of betraying my late wife? I'm trying, I'm trying so damn hard, and I think that I've finally done it. I think I'm over her. All I know is that I want Wash, and I want her forever. I want to marry her, I want to have a future with her: grow old and all that stuff. Above all, I just want her forgiveness!" Taylor ranted, with emotion that Reynolds had never seen before, Mark didn't even think that his Commanding Officer was capable of showing so much emotion. He looked broken, tired, sad. Mark's eyes widened and for a moment Taylor thought that he said too much, until he got the surprise of his life.

Nathanial felt a tug on his forearm, the soft, delicate hand had enough strength to spin him around. A pair of lips eagerly seeking his before he could even comprehend what was happening. But just as quickly as they landed they were off. "You already have my forgiveness, you asshole. But so help me God if you do that to me one more time, I will walk right out that door, but I will never look back. Not once. Never. I would hope that the main and only feeling that you do have is knives slashing your heart. Got that?" she said, and Taylors only form of response was a nod. He couldn't manage much more at the moment. It was sinking in that Wash was in front of him, forgiving him. Alicia kissed him again, but this time Nathanial grinned up against her lips. He placed his hands on her hips as an attempt to pull her flush against him.

He was here kissing her in towns square, and although it was empty earlier anyone could walk out and see them. But the best part is he didn't care who saw them, just as long as they're together again. 

Well you need a blue sky holiday  
>The point is they laugh at what you say<br>And I don't need no carryin' on


End file.
